So this is my first real blog and I'm using this medium to help me get through a life changing event. On 12/5/11 my life changed as I knew it when I was diagnosed HIV+. A gay man never thinks he will experience again the inner turmoil he faced when coming out of the closet, but this is something positive queers are forced to confront. I was diagnosed HIV+ on 12/5/11. I tested negative in August 2011 but my provider and I were concerned that I may have been exposed so she ordered a three month follow-up test. If there is one thing I am grateful for it is that I knew that regular testing was imperative for a sexually active adult. Granted I was playing Russian roulette with my life because I was constantly having unprotected sex and using drugs but I guess I thought I was invincible. This is unfortunately the story for a lot of gay men today.
Of course I was devastated when the results came back positive. I was sure it would be a quick confirmation of my negative status. The truth is the last time I hooked up with a guy (8/5/11) I had unprotected sex AND injected speed with a dirty needle. What can I really have expected?? In any case, my mother was at the doctor's office with me. She's always been really supportive. I asked the doctor if she thought I needed to tell my parents. She advised that from this point forward the only way to be was open and honest. I agreed and so we brought my mom back into the room. I was crying but I was pleasantly surprised at my mother's response. She was concerned but very practical in her response. "What do we do next?" were her words if I remember correctly.
I was referred to the state health department who then referred me to the HIV specialist. I've been treated with nothing but respect ever since. All the staff at the clinic treat me like family and they seem to have my best interests at heart. Thankfully I'm also studying to be a RN so I am fairly knowledgeable about the disease process and know how to approach what can often be an intimidating/confusing medical environment. I got my first labs in late December. CD4 615, viral load 1000. Second round of labs showed some damage to the immune system with CD4 495, viral load 218. I decided to start meds at my last visit. I'm currently on Atripla. More to come on my experience with this medicine later.
I was beyond anxious about telling my father but I knew that I wanted him to know. I just assumed that he would say "I told you so..." or something ignorant like that. Again I was pleasantly surprised. He told me that he loved me and that he was sad that this happened, but that we had to stay strong as a family and figure out how to cope with it. I also told my therapist and addiction counselor. They were both supportive thankfully. In fact my addiction counselor introduced me to another poz client in the area. He and I have met a few times and I believe we will start a strong friendship from here on out. I have told a few other friends online through twitter and POZ I AM social network. These friends have been life savers and have helped give me courage to start this blog. I'm still feeling like I want to disclose my status on a "need to know" basis. That's just what I'm comfortable with right now. But all in all, I feel I have been blessed and very fortunate to experience a very pleasant second coming out. I look forward to using this blog to express myself through this journey, the good times and the bad. :)
Thanks for reading!
In fact your first and second reading of CD4 was so much higher than my first reading (I clocked only 471 earlier this month).
ReplyDeleteAnd you were quick to be on med.
But I am glad you have the support needed. I lacked even support from my doctor who failed to refer me to the specialists.
God bless you..
and my VL is 1 million.
ReplyDelete