On being undetectable and in recovery

I'm officially undetectable as of April 12, 2012! My virus is in check. I have to say that when I heard this news I was elated. I was only diagnosed in December 2011, started taking Atripla on March 9, 2012 and just a month later my viral load is undetectable. Prior to starting Atripla my viral load was 218 copies/mL. My doctor thinks that this means my body is either primed to manage the virus or that the strain of virus I contracted is slow producing. Either way this news was warmly welcomed and brings me into a new phase of life with HIV. My thoughts are now on how to maintain my health with a chronic condition.

I also have 36 days clean/sober and I take medication for depression. All in all, my life is back on track. I am focused on recovery and improving my health: mind, body and spirit. I must say I'm a grateful recovering addict and have grown tremendously in the last nine months. If I hadn't experienced the traumatic events that led me to where I am currently I wouldn't be the same person. It is true that my choices led me to where I am currently. My choice to have unprotected sex and use drugs led to my acquiring HIV. My choice to drink excessively and try recreational drugs led to my becoming an addict. I am learning to accept responsibility for my actions. This, to me, is growth. I hold myself accountable today for what I do about these choices and how I live my life from now on. I appreciate each day for what it brings and what it's worth. I live only in the present. The past is a memory, the future isn't promised and the present is a gift.

Falling ill is now always suspicious

I fell ill with a sinus infection last Wednesday. It's going around like wildfire here; almost epidemic style. The hospital had a brash of upper respiratory infections and the nursing home was even on quarantine for a week or so. I work in healthcare so I'm exposed to all of these bugs and caught it. Of course I'm thinking to myself well is this the beginning of the rest of my life? Will I forever be catching every bug that flies through simply because I have HIV? 

My last CD4 was 495 which is only five points below normal and I've heard of people having counts much lower and already I'm getting sick. It was a bit disheartening because I'm on meds as well. I've been on Atripla for almost a month now. And yet still getting stick.

Then I thought to myself, well maybe I was just one of the unfortunate ones that caught the bug and that's that. It certainly doesn't help that I'm a smoker. I know that.  Needless to say, I'm starting to feel better and I'm on antibiotics. That's all I can do. I was out of commission for a day. That's not horrible. It's important for me to stay positive in this fight because when I start to wallow in self-pity I have a tendency to get stuck there. Thankfully I have a lot of positive support around me and online. These are just some of my ramblings today, I guess such is life with a chronic condition that attacks the immune system.